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“Stop picking on me!” What you need to know about bullying
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Assess the environment
Survey teachers and parents about their perceptions of the climate in your program. Do children enjoy being there? Have they bonded with staff? Do they have friends? Are teasing and bullying an issue? Invite an expert on the subject to speak at a parents meeting and distribute handouts to provide more information. (For free, downloadable tip sheets, see http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/index.asp)
Talk with officials in public and private schools in your neighborhood. What are they doing about bullying prevention? Consult with leaders of nearby libraries, parks, and youth clubs about the programs they offer. Look for ways to collaborate in prevention efforts.
Examine your policies that deal with child guidance and supervision, particularly in your after-school program. According to the authors of Quit it! (1998), a teacher’s guide for teasing and bullying prevention, a clearly stated, consistent school-wide policy is “an effective tool in combating teasing and bullying.”
Rosenbluth, who has trained public school administrators and teachers in bullying prevention, says the ideal school policy specifically prohibits hurtful teasing and bullying. The policy also provides a way to document students’ and parents’ complaints, outlines an investigation process, and provides a stay-away agreement to separate the bully and the targeted child.
As you review policies, inform everyone in your school community—board members, teachers, staff, volunteers, and parents. Provide training so teachers and staff recognize and respond appropriately to hurtful behavior. Offer a workshop for parents to help them talk with their children about the subject.

Set clear rules and consequences
As children learn social skills, they are influenced by many factors. Perhaps the most powerful is the behavior they see in adults and other children. If they see adults and playmates acting with kindness and respect, children are likely to develop kind and respectful behavior.
Another powerful influence is culture. Children learn how they are expected to behave from home life, their racial or ethnic group, church, and community life. They get messages from stories, television, toys, games, sports, clothing, advertising, and store displays. Research has shown that boys are often encouraged to take risks, seek adventure, and be aggressive. Girls, on the other hand, are encouraged to be nurturing, show their emotions, and seek protection.
When boys ridicule or shove someone and get away with it, children learn that boys are behaving in a normal and accepted way. The same is true when girls whisper hurtful things about another girl and exclude her from their play.
Counteract these influences by modeling desired behavior and challenging gender stereotypes. Address gender put-downs just as you would address racial or ethnic slurs. Encourage boys to express their feelings and be nurturing, and urge girls to take reasonable risks and stand up for themselves.
Rethink areas or times when supervision may be lacking, such as nap time and outdoor play. Train staff to improve the way they monitor areas, and consider involving other staff or volunteers as extra eyes and ears.
Review with children the rules for appropriate behavior and the consequences for breaking rules. Younger children often need reminders. About age 4 or 5, you can engage children in discussing the reasons behind rules and get their input on setting rules for the classroom.
An emphasis on rules may bring an increase in tattling. Experienced teachers know that some children use tattling to get attention or get another child in trouble. They handle it by having children write their complaints and drop them in a tattle box, which the teacher later reads. It may also help to consider the tattle-versus-tell guideline: Is the child trying to get someone in trouble (tattling) or get someone out of trouble (telling)?
Tattling may also be a way for children to test what a rule is and how you will enforce it. You can confirm (or deny) the rule and assure the child that you will handle it. If the information indicates a child is at risk of physical or emotional harm, you need to deal with the situation immediately.

Teach positive social skills
Review your curriculum unit on friends. Help children learn effective ways of joining a play group, making conversation, and sharing interests. When children squabble, teach problem-solving techniques.
Offer cooperative games and learning opportunities. Call attention to children’s positive behaviors such as sharing, listening, and helping when you see them happening.
Encourage teachers and after-school caregivers to learn about each child in the group as an individual. Knowing every child’s personality, friendships, and behavior patterns will help you distinguish between friendly and hurtful teasing, and between rough play and bullying.
In group time, read books on teasing and bullying. Engage children in discussion: How did the targeted child feel? How did the bully feel? How did the bystanders feel? What happened to stop the hurtful behavior? What might you do if you saw the same thing happen to a classmate?
Brainstorm with children about what they might do to help someone being teased or bullied. If they feel safe, they might tell the bully to stop or invite the targeted child to play with them. If they don’t feel safe, they might tell an adult.
Emphasize that they should not just stand and watch. Explain that speaking up takes courage and that telling an adult about hurtful behavior is not tattling. Children can ask a friend to help befriend the targeted child or go with them to tell an adult. Explain that the adult will listen and do something.

Intervene in hurtful behavior
When hurtful teasing and bullying occur, adults have a responsibility to stop it. Ignoring hurtful behavior can inadvertently promote it and all its negative effects. Some tips:
Stand between the teasers or bullies and the targeted child. Do not send any participants or bystanders away. Using a moderate tone of voice, state what you heard or saw happening. State that teasing and bullying are against school rules.
Reassure the targeted child. Don’t force the child to answer questions in front of the other children. If the child is upset, talk in private. Increase supervision of the child to make sure bullying does not happen again. Give the child time to express anger or sadness. Help the child find classmates who can offer support.
Speak to the bystanders. If they did nothing, say, “Maybe you didn’t know what to do.” Explain that teasing and bullying are “not cool.” Suggest that next time they could tell the bully to stop, involve the targeted child in play, or go to an adult for help. If they acted appropriately, acknowledge the behavior without lavish, public praise.
Impose consequences on the teasers or bullies, as outlined in your policy. Make sure the consequences are reasonable and related to the behavior.
Be prepared to hear defenses such as, “I didn’t mean to hurt him,” or “I just called him a name.” Respond by restating what happened: “It did hurt” or “Name-calling is hurtful.”
Allow children time to cool off. Don’t force an apology. Watch the children closely for possible future hurtful behavior. Help them learn to take responsibility for their actions and offer activities to help them develop empathy.
If appropriate, notify parents of children who are involved. Set up a parent-teacher conference and discuss social skills. For the targeted child: “How can we help Willie make friends and develop more self-confidence?” For the teaser: “How can we help Jake understand that name-calling is hurtful?”

It’s not a one-shot solution
It should be clear that in the opening example about Willie and Jake, ignoring hurtful behavior is not the answer. It should also be clear that stopping hurtful behavior is not a one-person, one-time fix.
Reducing aggressive behavior in school is everyone’s problem and requires a long-term solution. After-school caregivers can help children learn positive social skills and intervene in hurtful behaviors. Early childhood educators can work with parents to create a caring environment at home and at school that builds a foundation for learning.
Everyone agrees children should feel safe in school. They need to feel at ease and free to play and learn. They cannot learn if they feel threatened or afraid of their peers.

Books for children
Ludwig, Trudy. 2003. My Secret Bully. Ashland, Ore.: Riverbend Books. Monica is having headaches and stomachaches. Under questioning from her mother, Monica starts crying and reveals that a longtime friend has been saying bad things about her to other girls. Mom teaches Monica how to stand up for herself.
McCain, Becky Ray. 2001. Nobody Knew What To Do: A Story About Bullying. Morton Grove, Ill.: Albert Whitman & Co.
Children observe bullying at recess. The next day when the targeted child doesn’t come to school, one boy reports the incident to his teacher. Both the teacher and the principal take action.
Romain, Trevor. 1997. Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain. Minneapolis, Minn.: Free Spirit Publishing. This popular children’s book author explains in simple words and black-and-white cartoons what bullying is and how to avoid it. He addresses most of the book to targeted children but devotes a few pages to bullies and ends with a message to teachers and parents.
Thomas, Pat. 2000. Stop Picking on Me: A First Look at Bullying. Hauppauge, N.Y.: Barron’s Educational Series, Inc. Using compassionate words and aided by vivid watercolor illustrations, author Pat Thomas explains what bullying is and how to stop it.

Books for teachers and parents
Bott, C.J. 2004. The Bully in the Book and in the Classroom. Lanham, Md.: Scarecrow Press. This book contains annotated bibliographies in four sections: grades K-3, 4-6, 7-8 and 9-12. In addition, the author spotlights 8-10 books in each section with a brief summary and cover photo as well as discussion questions to use with children.
Froscshl, Merle; Barbara Sprung, and Nancy Mullin-Rindler. 1998. Quit it! A Teacher’s Guide on Teasing and Bullying for Use with Students in Grades K-3. A joint publication of Educational Equity Concepts Inc., New York; Wellesley College Center for Research on Women, Wellesley, Mass.; and the National Education Association, Washington, D.C.
Lee, Chris. 2004. Preventing Bullying in Schools: A Guide for Teachers and Other Professionals. Thousand Oaks, Calif.: SAGE Publications, Inc.
Mullin, Nancy. 2003. Selected Bibliography About Teasing and Bullying for Grades K-8: Revised and Expanded Edition. Wellesley, Mass.: Wellesley College Center for Research on Women.
For more than three decades, the Wellesley Centers for Research on Women have studied issues such as gender equity in education, sexual harassment, and child care, resulting in changes in practices and policies. This bibliography can be ordered for $15 at http://www.wcwonline.org.

References
American Association of University Women Education Foundation. 2001. Hostile Hallways: Bullying, Teasing, and Sexual Harassment in School (p.25). http://www.aauw.org/research/upload/hostilehallways.pdf.
Freedman, Judy S. 2002. Easing the Teasing: Helping Your Child Cope with Name-Calling, Ridicule, and Verbal Bullying. New York: Contemporary Books.
National Conference of State Legislatures. 2008. School Bullying. http://www.ncsl.org/programs/educ/bullyingoverview.htm.
Office for Civil Rights, U.S. Department of Education. 2001. “Revised Sexual Harassment Guidance,” http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/shguide.html.
Orpinas, Pamela, and Arthur Horne. 2006. Bullying Prevention: Creating a Positive School Climate and Developing Social Competence. Washington, D.C.: American Psychological Association.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Health Resources and Services Administration. Stop Bullying Now campaign. http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/index.asp.